My Crappy Movies

[Artful Alex]

Thanks to those who gave me a bit of advice on my query yesterday. I may well be contacting Dr Blue (and other companies) but for the moment I'm going to limit myself to sending copies of the films I've done to a few individuals. Apart from anything else I'm interested in finding out which ones people think are crap and which ones they think are merely rubbish.

I must admit that the films I've made so far are pretty amateurish. In fact, they make the clips you see on You've Been Framed look like Citizen Kane. They feature me or other guys with women, including Claire (from Ben Dover's Housewife Fantasies), Danielle Louise Kelson (from 27 films on the BGAFD list) and a couple of new girls. Several scenes feature big cum shots, if you're into that sort of thing. If anyone's interested in these films please send an e-mail to my own box and I'll send you some info.

[pasta]

Your Choice do a line of amateur tapes, so you could get in touch with them.They are always looking for new clips. Of course, they don't pay in thousands...just a few quid really. Hope that helps. At least that way you can make a few bucks and not have to worry about certification, distribution etc.

[Otis]

What I want to know is where do you get the cast? I've made enough amateur films and watched enough filth to be technically capable of filming a porno (indeed a couple of years ago when everyone was predicting a massive dot com-style boom in British hardcore I thought about the possibility). But no one I've ever shagged would allow a camera in the room if they thought anyone else would ever see it. Do you advertise for models? In which case, surely it's a bit hit and miss what sort of people would reply?

[joe king]

how do you judge porn? does it make you hot and sweaty, does it make your penis erect (if you have one)? Comparing it to Citizen Kane is idiotic. Do the performers perform? Does their presence on screen come across as erotic? High production values seem only to really enhance fetish(PVC/ costume) subjects. The private line(of porn) has excellent standards - this really enhances the fetish subjects, the rubber looks great (the actual look is the turn on), the clarity of the cum shots is good. But with just the usual sex it can be a bit boring. I remember seeing a clip that had a couple land a flying boat plane and them get off it and just the couple shagging (boring) on the beach. The actual scene was surreal, it was shot mostly in wide shot, the plane in the background slowly bobbing on the subtle tide. I kept looking at the plane (the sex was so boring).

Some people are just interested in the actual actions (blow-job, anal, big tits, deep-throat).
0.Erotic energy
1.Performer performance and presence
2.Subject actions
3.Clarity of picture

[Artful Alex]

I met two girls via an ad I placed in The Sport, two through their appearances in Escort's Readers' Wives section and another two via ads I placed in newsagents' windows, alongside the ones for "busty massage" etc. None of these methods had a high response rate but I expect that to get lots of top babes responding you'd really need to pay for a decent large ad in a well known porn mag - or just contact various photomodel agencies (some of which offer girls for hardcore work).

And, er, the Citizen Kane remark wasn't meant to be serious.

[Otis]

Wow - people in Escort's Readers' Wives who didn't actually turn out to be, ummmmm...escorts. I might resubcribe....

[Callipygea]

People do make big bucks in porn. They are not the stars, the producers, or the cameramen. They are the people who do the (comparatively) boring job of selling the stuff. A few, like Sucliffe of Fiona Cooper, both produce and sell, but they make the money out of selling. Those, like Sutcliffe, who run their businesses effectively make lots of money.

It's simple, really. If you want to make money - sell. If you want to have fun - produce. If you want to do both, do both.

That'll be twenty five guineas, thank you. Next?