Linsey Dawn McKenzie Hardcore - The Final Word

[Artful Alex]

I've been getting a bit peeved with the oft-repeated questions "Has LDM done hardcore?", "Will she ever do it?" etc so I thought I'd settle this matter once and for all. To this end I nicked Mystic Meg's crystal ball and can now report on what the future holds for Linsey...


2002 An advert placed by the company Aitkin & Clinton Associates in that highly reputable publication "The Sport" announcing a video of "Linsey Dawn McKenzie in Real Sex Scenes!". The video turns out to be 59 minutes of Linsey taking her clothes off followed by 30 seconds of a man wearing pants standing in the same room.

2004 Another advert appears for a video featuring 'Linsey in Hard Core Scenes'. When ordered, it turns out to be Linsey eating the inner part of an apple.

2006 Linsey's first "genuine hard core sex scene" is shown to pay-per-view customers of Sky Digital, although unfortunately Sky neglect to point out until the last minute that this is to be a radio broadcast so subscribers are left somewhat disappointed.

2010 An advert appears in The Daily Telegraph (by now one of the leading purveyors of pornography) by Aitkin & Clinton Associates announcing "Look, We'll Level With You, We're A Bunch Of Crooks But, Hey, If You Don't Give Us Another Chance How Will We Ever Manage To Reform Ourselves? This One Really Is A Hardcore Video Of Linsey Dawn McKenzie. I Swear On My Mother's Life!" When ordered, it turns out to be an episode of Little House on the Prairie - with all the racy bits taken out.

2015 The Prime Minister, the Rt Hon Ben Dover, announces in the House that ?10million of lottery money is to be paid to Linsey on condition that she does a real hard core film. Linsey accepts the money. Later she announces that she has lost the money down her cleavage and therefore will not be doing the film after all.

2020 Another video is advertised: "Linsey having intercourse with a Chippendale" and turns out to feature her talking to an antique Victorian chair.

2030 Linsey is made a Dame by King William III for "Services to Fleecing the British Public". When she kneels before the him, William can't resist doing the "And while you're down there..." joke, to great public acclaim (sense of humour being one of the few things not to have progressed in the 21st century).

2038 Linsey collects her bus pass.

2050 Contributors to BGAFD finally stop speculating about whether Linsey will ever do a hard core video.

2065 Now aged 87, Linsey finally makes her first full on hard core movie, featuring deep throat cock-sucking, double anal, gang bangs, quadruple penetration, bondage, watersports, domination, ass-to-mouth, multiple facial cumshots, dwarves and goats.
It sells three copies.
Linsey is later quoted as saying "Oh dear. Do you think I left it a bit late?"

[Artful Alex]

And before anyone points it out, William will actually be William V, not William III as I said. I spent all my time in History classes thinking about breasts so don't expect me to be David bloody Starkey.

[woodgnome]

a quality post!

i hereby dub you inaugural winner of the bgafd post of the month competition (may), the prize for which is an absolutely 100% genuine, no messing about, fully authentic video featuring the ageing but still delectable (to some) linsey dawn mackenzie!

no this is straight up! we wouldn't mess you about, would we. otherise porn vending would get a bad reputation and that would be a terrible state of affairs.

enjoy your tape, oh and, er, if the girl in the vid doesn't look much like ldm as you remember her, she's been on the 'gerri haliwell dieting for egomaniacs' course, which has resulted in a slight reduction of her breast size and completely altered her facial features! rest assured though - it is her!

[Phil McCavity]

So do you think she will do hard-core then or are you just pissing about,
,And Prince William will become King Billy(for the prods) and that will upset everyone.

Phil McC

[Artful Alex]

I'd have to place myself in the 'just pissing about camp' Phil, as some of the more astute readers may have guessed. Please bear in mind that I was using Mystic Meg's crystal ball, so the accuracy of my prediction cannot be guaranteed. I think our only hope is to get Blue Peter to make Linsey's hard core debut the subject of their next appeal. I'd certainly look forward to seeing Connie Huq pointing to a giant thermometer saying "Well, we've reached enough for Linsey to do a blow job and we only need a few thousand pounds more before we can get her to do full sex. Keep those bottle tops and used stamps coming in!".

[nudger]

LMAO!!!...fine post Artful Alex...

[joe king]

(R18) LINSEY'S LEZZIE SEDUCTION 43m 32s Louis Lawson Autumn, Linsey

(18) LINSEY'S LEZZIE SEDUCTION 33m 16s John Graham Autumn, Linsey


(R18)LYNDSEY DAWN & ALISON HAVING FULL SEX XXX 60m 15s Mark Matthews Not known
(18) LYNDSEY DAWN & ALISON HAVING FULL SEX 53m 22s Mark Matthews Not known

Anyone seen these?

[Robbie D]

R18) LINSEY'S LEZZIE SEDUCTION 43m 32s Louis Lawson Autumn, Linsey.

I bought this in a Soho sex shop for ?20, not really expecting too much (as one shouldn't when purchasing LDM so called "sex" videos) and was pleasently surprised! considering her previous tapes, this was almost hardcore by comparison! Still tame by most of our standards but a step in the right direction for us LDM fans.
If you have an adultcheck pass, you can download a realplayer clip (which inspired me to the get tape in the first place) from http://www.britishtotty.com

[Caractacus]

Britishtotty.com did have some realplayer clips of Linsey and Autumn that looked pretty good.

[Caractacus]

Sorry, Robbie. Should have read your reply before posting!!