Lizards fridge....A Review.

[Lizard]

Seems like everyone is doing it so-:

Upon opening the door we are treated to the sight of some black socks, and a pair of grey Y fronts, (that were once white) this was a mistake they should have gone in the freezer of course, to be cryogeniclly treated until further use.
Next there is a 1/3 jar of olives, the olives are obscured by some kind of muddy liquid, next we find a half eaten pizza, with a tinge of green round the outside, upon further examination, there is some old lard, half a bag of Mc cains oven logs, a half eaten proffiterole, a can of diet Tizer, a guitar strap. various plectrums, a full tama drum kit, some Ben Dover videos, a 4 year old library book, also a fine collection of cheese,s but not one of them recognisable, 70 bottles of Grolsch, half a king Edward, and a urine sample!
Well that about concludes it, I would recommend it, but dont take the kids!

[Tez]

Ahhh but what r the

PROS


and


CONS

of yr fridge Liz?


Tez

[Lizard]

There are none Tez! a fridge is a fridge. it,s whats in it that counts.

[jj]

You didn't tell us whether the olives were green or black (I suspect the former- I have my reasons), vital information if we are to evaluate your fridge properly before opening our wallets and our bowels.
Your 'review' is typical of the amateurism in fridge-reviewing today, I bet you have no qualifications other than you once went to Iceland with your mum, and you were bored stiff and kept squalling for an ice-lolly all the time till she smacked you in the gob and told you to 'shut it, you little git, or I'll tell you who yer father was', while I have paid my dues the old-fashioned way, hanging around the Chilled Dessert section of Bejam for hours in the vain hope of catching a glimpse of Mr Frosty, and counting the all the peas (twice, just to be sure none had escaped) in the Green Giant Family Size Mixed Vegetables as part of a charity quality-control Marathon on behalf old Mrs Humpington's Reg, who needs the operation so he can stop screaming whenever he sees a donkey, even taking out Mr Farter's ugly secretary Madge for a cup of Bovril so she'd let me rifle through hs historic collection of freezer-burnt Farm Fresh Breaded Chicken Nuggets......

So, think on, lad: you are following a noble tradition, so have some respect.

[Lizard]

Hey, give me a break, it,s my first review, and I dont know any big or clever words, I call it as I see it, when I have finished my O level English at night school,you will be begging me to write a review of your fridge!........if you have one! I bet you keep all your food in the washing machine, as I have heard it,s quite trendy amongst the young professionals of London, along with opium gargling, and collecting bluebottles, well we in the North are catching up fast, why! only today we had running water installed, we just need the bath....but one day....one day, it will happen, or my names not Lizard!

[Deuce Bigolo]

Disgusting but typical of a reptile

Now us mammals have it sussed

Top shelf......4 2 litre Jugs of Tap Water UNFILTERED(I hate to miss out on extras that the state provides)

2nd shelf.....assortment of fresh healthy shite....plums,peaches,bananas,kiwi fruit,strawberries,apples,lettuce,tomatoes,cellery,pumpkin,broccoli

3rd shelf & 4th shelves.....Beers of the world

Crisper...anything rotten from above shelves

Door....dairyland...yogurt,cheese,gherkins in a jar,milk,orange juice,pickled onions in a jar,beetroot in a jar & pineapple in an open can,eggs-fresh from a chicken who's being done by a skunk

Freezer....corn on the cob x 4....from 1999.....10 trays of ice cubes...5 kilo bag of mixed vegies(1998)(homemade invention)....20 hand sized casserole
pieces-to much flour...1999

cheers
B....OZ

[jj]

Keeping comestibles in the washing-machine (whcih we call a 'sink' down here) is a great way of ensuring that they are hygienically stored, and you soon get used to the unusual taste (or 'bouquet' as we say up here), actually Persil is French for parsley, so that should tell you all you need to know (unless you need to know about hip operations or rice-pudding, in which case it might be wise to consult a boilermaker).
I don't understand why you go to night school, surely you can't see the blackboard? Was there no room in the day schools? With all the truancy, I'm sure they could have made room for you (perhaps putting you in that cupboard with all the torn tennis-nets and broken canes and used condoms).
........the collection of bluebottles is not yet an officially-recognised sport down here, merely an occupational hazard with opium-gargling, which of course requires one to remain with one's mouth open for considerable lengths of time, some adepts at the sport up here having been known to catch quite large mammals this way, and I believe a fincap accountant from Deloitte Touche caught a sperm whale last week, though as he is a keen Rotarian he may well be exaggerating.
And by 'running water installation' am I to take it you mean what we over here call 'a stream'?
Please keep your answers, if any, concise, and uphill.

[Lizard]

Yes, thats right.

[jj]

Ha !
I thought so.....it was the tadpoles that gave the game away.