Life according to what you see in blue movies
1. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men. Nearly always named Ron Jeremy
2. Men are never impotent or troubled by brewers’ droop
3. When performing oral sex on a woman 30 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets surprised masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream nor protest in embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm: Particularly after spending ?75 on a hair-do and 2 hours making up
6. Women can wear high heels on silk sheets
7. A blowjob is always the woman's way of making up after an argument. (Obviously my ex-wife and I never really argued) and they moan uncontrollably when giving one
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. The words: That's disgusting! Are edited from all scripts
10. All women are bi-sexual
11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background. (This I know is true)
12. All breasts are natural – some just firmer than others are
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt or across her face. (Can anyone explain this please)?
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there is two of them they "high five" each other.
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There is always a cogent story line and a script.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a ‘gentle’ slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patient's cocks and perform lesbian acts with a busty matron to aid a cardiac patient’s recovery: and they have cute red crosses on their hats, plus a stethoscope to listen to their vaginas
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend or wife finds you buried deep into her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's important for him to remind her to "suck it Babe".
26. There’s never any kissing, just lots of prehensile tongues
27. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned
28. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock
29. Men don't have to beg, grovel, wine, dine, flirt or be romantic, they simply have to walk on screen and thrust a cock or finger towards a woman for her to strip without demur.
30. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip. (The old joke: What's a Grecian urn – answer $1,000 dollars a movie?)
31. Multiple orgasms for women are common and easily induced.
32. All men are the average natural size…that is to say 10”