O/T New Slang Terms!

[John Mason]

Airplane blonde
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.


Aussie kiss
Similar to a French kiss, but given down under.


Badly packed kebab
A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia.


Beaver leaver
A homosexual.
Beer coat


The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.


Beer compass
The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a booze
cruise, even though you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you
get there, and where you've come from.


Beer scooter
The ability to get home after a night out on the booze and not remember it
i.e. "i don't even remember getting home last night, i must have caught the
beer scooter".
Bobfoc


Body off baywatch, face off crimewatch.


Boiler suit
The prosecution charge that you did willfully, and with phallus
aforethought, score with a bobfoc last night. This charge is usually brought
by a kangaroo court of your friends in the pub on Saturday night.


Bone of contention
A hard-on that causes an argument, e.g. One that arises when a man is
watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his girlfriend.


Breaking the seal
Your first piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After
breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be
required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.


Britney spears
Modern slang for 'beers', e.g. "couple of Britney's please, Doreen".


Bruce lee
Erect nipple (as in, a hard nip).




Bunny-boiler
An unhinged and overly possessive woman. From the rabbit boiling scene in
the film "fatal attraction", e.g. "i don't like the look of that airplane
blonde - could be a bunny boiler".


Double bass
A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then
fiddles with the woman's n1pples with one hand and her budgie's tongue with
the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass
instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.


Drink-link
A modern term for a cash point machine (atm). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze.


Etch-a-sketch
Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples
simultaneously.


Flogging on
Surfing the internet for some left-handed websites.
Free the tadpoles


Liberate the residents of wank tanks.


Frigmarole

Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.


Fuck/Shit/Fuck/Shit

The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.


Going for a McShit

Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're
just going to the bog. If challenged by a pimply staff member, your
declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McShit with
lies.


Greyhound
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.


Hand-to-gland combat
A vigorous Masturbation session.


Johnny-no-stars

A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars
that staffs at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of
training.




Millennium domes
The contents of a wonderbra, i.e. Extremely impressive when viewed from the
outside, but there's actually fuck all in there worth seeing.


Monkey bath
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "oo! Oo!
Oo! Aa!aa!aa!".


Mumbler

An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc. I.e. You can see the
'lips' moving but can't quite make out what they're saying.


Mystery bus
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet
after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub
is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.


Mystery taxi
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up,
whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-pinter in your bed
instead.

Nbr (no beers required)
Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a
10-pinter.


Nelson mandela
Rhyming slang for 'stella' (the lager).


One in the departure lounge
The need to defecate imminently.


Pearl harbor
Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "it's a bit pearl harbor out
there!" Meaning - there's a nasty 'nip' in the air.


Picasso Arse
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4
buttocks.


Ragman's coat
Untidy and unkempt pubic hair e.g. "that mumbler looks quite fit but i bet
she's got a kebab like a ragman's coat!"


Release a chocolate hostage
To defecate e.g. " I've got one in the departure lounge, so I'm just nipping
out to release a chocolate hostage".


Salad dodger
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

Skin-chimney
See badly packed kebab


Sperm wail
A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.

Starfish trooper or Arsetronaut
A homosexual.

Swamp-donkey
A deeply unattractive woman.


Tart fuel or Bitch Piss
Bottled alcopops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women.


Ten-pinter
Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.


Titanic
A lady who goes down first time out.


Todger dodger
A lesbian.
Two-bagger or double bagger


Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with (1 to cover their
head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off).


Up on blocks
Menstruating i.e. Out of action, a bit like a car in a garage. E.g. "don't
think I'll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on blocks".


Vagina Decliner
A homosexual.


Wallace and gromit
Rhyming slang for 'vomit'.


Wank seance
During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that your dead relatives
are watching you with disgust.


Wynona Ryder
Rhyming slang for 'cider'. E.g. "pint of wynona, half a nelson and a bottle
of tart fuel please Doreen".

X-piles
Unwanted visitors from Uranus.

[magoo]

And theres even more of them at

In fact the authors of this fine collection visited this very forum not so long ago while researching for their Ben Dover skit.

[jj]

Great stuff.

[Shaun?]

I guess its quiet in the studio, John.

[fevrd]

John, you are not doing enough work! Where is your next baseball cap coming from at this rate?

[John Mason]

Fevrd, have you never heard of multitasking!
And it looks like my next baseball cap is coming from Inet!
Well...you did ask!