Serious post: dealing with anxiety, fear and panic

[randyandy]

max_tranmere wrote:

>I would just love to know how to reduce the fear.

Max read my above post.

I was taken out of work by ambulance. Doctors proscribed pills (lots of them) but nowt worked and I suspect I'd still be on one version or another if I was still under them for it.

Read the book and almost gone. When it does happen it's managed.

[Sam Slater]

Sorry to hear about your attacks, Max.

I guess we all have things go wrong in our lives but you always have to try and remember that it's how we deal with them that makes us who we are. Remember that it is YOU who is in control of how you feel and act, not events and other people. I'm no psychiatrist but I'm guessing these panic attacks have something to do with a sense of no control, or helplessness to some degree. Pills will always be papering over the cracks of all mental problems.

I must say, though, that I'm surprised that a man who has suffered in the way you have seemed so apathetic to Jade Goody's demise not so long ago. You weren't brutal or overly cruel like some, but you didn't condemn the people that were which seems odd because surely you could empathise more with the mental stresses and fear she must have been experiencing when she knew death was just around the corner at 27. And she had 2 children to worry about.

I'd have expected more from you, Max, with what I know now.

Maybe a good place to start treating your problems yourself is to empathise with others who really do have bigger problems than yourself. Right now there are thousands of people with no home and will be sleeping rough tonight; there'll be as many young children without parents who care; who get beaten and sexually abused, etc.....smack heads who don't have the will to kick their habit and get their lives back on track....and this is only in this country.

Why not offer your time once a week at a homeless shelter or something? Serving food and chatting with people worse off than yourself might be good therapy. It won't cost you anything and it might work.

Good luck with getting better.

[Grendel1]

Hi Max, i totally sympathise, been suffering since January when wife decided to shack up with someone else.
If I'd not gone to doctor, I think I'd be dead now. Still signed off work, and the fear can be debilitating.
Medication has helped, and force myself to go for a walk to burn off adrenaline, otherwise feelings just build.
Will try suggested books, but you may want to check out this website:

http://www.livinglifetothefull.com

Unfortunately you need to be in the right frame of mind to go through exercises, but has helped a bit.

[max_tranmere]

Thanks for the further comments. I intend getting hold of some of the books people have suggested, and looking at that site too. I have a theory that the fear is similar to the anxiety in that its just a way of the mind dealing with being totally overwhelmed and that is the response. Not that dis-similar to how sometimes you feel really withdrawn and delerious and barely know where you are. You always do know where you are but only just.

In terms of demons from my past, there are two scumbags in particular who messed me up badly for ages in a job I was doing and I was unable to stop them. They did it for their own amusement. Every time I hear about a foreign plane or boat crash, when there have been Brits onboard who died, my first thought is obviously that it is a very sad thing that has happened and tragic that people have perished, and my second thought is hoping that one or both of these c**ts are amongst the holiday makers who are dead. Sadly they never are!

It troubles me to think that even if I could get it to the point where I am not bothered by the memories, the memories will still be there and it is likely I will have these two pieces of shit in my mind every day for ever more...

[Sam Slater]

Maybe if you weren't so self absorbed the problems you perceive might not seems so big compared to others, Max.

I think you're fishing for compliments and sympathy more than anything else; an ego boost because you're insecure and overly aware of your own failings.

For a start I find it weird that when you hear of tragic planes crashes, the first thing that pops into your head is to hope(fantasise?) that people who've treated you unfairly/bad in the past are among the victims. I have people I dislike, and maybe even hate too, we all do, but I doubt many of us hope such things as the newsreader tells us of the next unfortunate people that were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

I think your mental issues extend beyond panic attacks and anxiety, Max, and I'd seriously confide in a professional that can help rather than buying books people off a porn forum recommend (and I mean that in all sincerity).

[mrmcfister]

Hi Max,
Sam made a good point about volunteering.
It really is how you view / believe things.If you can change the way you respond to events that will be an important first step.Difficult I know.
Your library may have talking books that can be ordered that you could play in the car too perhaps?

[randyandy]

Sam Slater wrote:

I'd seriously confide in a professional that can help rather than buying books people off a porn forum recommend (and I mean that in all sincerity).
>

Why because users of a porn forum have no knowledge or experience of the issues and the fact that a book helped more than any 'professional' ever did.

Look the book up and you'll find lots of people have found it extremely helpful and I suspect very few, if any of them, even know what the BGAFD is never mind that it has a forum that doesn't just talk about porn.

[max_tranmere]

Thanks for the last few comments aswell. I've had a better few days actually, the issues are always there but the fear hasn't come on for a few days now. I discussed with the guy I see about the issue of trauma and he said that it is hard for the mind to get any perspective on a traumatic experience, whether it happened 20 years ago or one month ago it is the same in terms of how fresh it is in your mind.

I'm not saying that what happened to me is the same as the two following examples as they were very heavy, but I saw someone on TV not so long ago who was a hostage at the Iranian Embassy in London in 1980. That event is remembered for the SAS storming the building, killing the baddies and freeing the hostages. This guy had a gun held to his head the whole time and was beyond terrified for the duration of the siege (one or two weeks, I can't remember). This was in 1980 and he said on this TV programme just a few years ago, so at least 25 years after the event, "its always there, every minute of every day". I can so understand what he meant.

A second example is people who have terrible experiences in wars - that stays with you forever. That is trauma though, you cant get a time perspective on it, it is there in your head forever, and you cant eject it. You can alter the way you view it though - accept its there and will be there, just try not to get too worked up about it. Trauma is a strange thing.

[Sam Slater]

[quote]Why because users of a porn forum have no knowledge or experience of the issues and the fact that a book helped more than any 'professional' ever did.[/quote]

I'm glad books helped for you, andy, but I do think anything like that should be used as a last resort, or to compliment professional therapy with someone who's dedicated their lives to such matters.

Anyway, if you read my post again you will see that in the context I advised seeing a 'professional' it was more to do with his 'hopes' that people died in plane crashes and the like, rather than his panic attacks.

Those thoughts aren't good for anyone I'm afraid and so talking to a therapist about them -not just the attacks and anxiety- is a much more sensible option than buying books. He's having thoughts about people being killed for fucks sake, not on how to trim his roses for optimum blossom.

The training for physiotherapy isn't all based on the muscular-skeletal world. People who have suffered body trauma, like the loss of a limb -car accidents and falls, or bad sports injuries- are always susceptible to panic attacks, mental blocks, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and general anxiety. If it looks like a patient is showing signs of any of these then they are advised and encouraged to see their GP, who can forward them on to a trained therapist if he/she thinks it necessary. We don't advice patients to 'buy books' because it helped Johnny Smith who works at the local fish mongers (all that haddock sent him mental don't you know).

It never fails to surprise me when simple, sensible advice is questioned on here. I advise someone to see a professional because he fantasises about people dying in major accidents and I'm pulled up on it. In contrast, Keith Rasputin advises 'taking drugs and chilling out' to someone who's titled their post as 'serious' and no one bats an eyelid at his inappropriate and potentially dangerous piss take. I bet you can't answer why that is, randyandy.

It's obvious that it's not my advice about seeing a professional that bothers you but my implication that the books are a waste of time. No? You're not irked that I might have given Max the wrong advice but have taken my view on those books as a slight against yourself. You obviously feel that I'm mocking your judgement or something, which isn't true. I just feel it's not the best advice to give someone who fantasises about people dying. You were just thinking about your own pride in reply to me rather than Max getting better.

I'm sorry more conventional methods let you down and that you had to resort to generic advice from a Waterstones store but that in no way suggests that it's the best advice for everyone. You posted a suggestion, NOT a rule. Please remember this.