Rob Stone - Signing Off?

[Officer Dibble]

I?ve recently found that perusing **********?s ?Smut News? is a pleasure on a par with reading Rod Liddle?s column in The Times of a Sunday afternoon. The brilliantly observed mores of industry Muppets combined with Rob?s acerbic wit make it truly a delight to be savored. Now, having dealt with ?No-Show Hoes? in pervious articles, he turns his attention to flakey, ?no-reply hos?. Seems he?s fed up with sending offers of work to supposed ?models? and frequently not even being afforded the courtesy of a reply to say yea or nay. Like a growing number of togs and producers he?s finally realized that the caliber and attitude of many (though not all, of course) young women in the contemporary (skanky) British smut industry leaves a lot to be desired. Rob?s now resolved to move his production to eastern Europe where the girls are still smart, keen, professional, well tuned out, and know what to do with a tube of lipstick. In his article he storms ?No more British girls for me. And of that I'm 100% serious.? Well, more power to yer, Rob. If more Brit producers had that attitude then this industry might not be quite so skanky and naff. It?s because some producers and amateur Muppet wannabees are willing to stand for contemporary model flakiness and bullshit that the Brit industry is so parochial and small time ? made up it seems of chortling oafs in baseball caps, who maul foul mouthed scrubbers from godforsaken council estates in laybys or supermarket car parks. If that?s what passes for erotica in Britain nowadays, no wonder we are fucked.

Rob says -

?The reason that the UK industry is infested and infected by have-a-go amateurs who just want to book a cheap no-limits escort, is because the prevalent attitude and standards of so many models encourages it.?

He?s spot on of course. It?s high time someone highlighted the standards (or lack of) of many so-called ?models?. Hey, where are their tits? Where are their asses? Where are their stockings and suspenders? Why haven?t they done their hair up nice? Why haven?t they attended to their makeup? And what about the Muppet producers who stand for it all? For surely it is they who are at the root of the crap and skankiness that afflicts adult entertainment in the UK today? Are they really so lonely? Are they really so desperate for a shag that?ll they?ll let any scrawny scrubber fuck them about? One does get that impression, because when a tog complains of a ?No Show Ho?, the Muppets pop up and say ?Hey, that?s they way it is. You have to accept it?? Excuse me? Like fuck you do. You could simply say to the offending ho ?Fuck off, ho. You?re finished with me. And I?ll be recommending to my colleagues that they never give you so much as the time of day. In short, you?ll never work in this town again!? That would weed out a whole tranche of skanks, flakes, divs, hos and mingers. But that won?t happen because many lonely, hormone crazed, Muppets are so keen to continue with what they are doing and be in ?the biz? they overlook the failings of most anyone calling herself a ?model?.

Rob puts it like this ?

?Who in their right fucking mind would want to associate themselves any further with an industry polluted with halfwits and timewasters, censors and persecutors. An industry divided by an oh-so-desperate-to-be-loved flock of seedy amateurs, jealous performers and warring professionals who busy themselves throwing bile, accusations and rumors into the fertile ears of gullible porno starlets and onto the boards of juvenille porn forums in the desperate hope it will destroy the competition that they are unable to beat on the merits of their own product. A product which - I might add - was for the most part ALMOST fashionable in the USA over a decade ago.?

And then, with his parting shot, he slams his old nemesis, ?Red Jerry?

"And a special big FUCK YOU to Jerry-You-Haven't-Seen-the-Last-of-Me-Cuntface Barnet. ...Is that it? ...Yeah, I think I'm done here.)"

Well, there you have it, folks. Could it be Rob?s written his last article? I sincerely hope not. We need men who don?t flinch at calling spades, spades. And hey, I might be left with the burden of poking fun at the Muppets, mingers, and divis of the Brit porn scene all by myself. But I have a sneaking suspicion that we haven?t heard the last from Rob. A man who has so much to say can rarely bottle it up for to long. Here?s his article in full ?






Officer Dibble

[Lizard]

Excellent stuff, Rob's real problem had he known- boils down to one vital word...'Derby' almost second to Hull in the world of chavvy 'inboxes' NEVER, EVER bother with a Derby girls inbox, I wouldn,t go near one even with a Norton 360, AVG and a Triple windows vista security firewall working at full tilt. No. I would stop the search just south of Liecester, that would be the benchmark, any further north and your asking for pikey inbox confusion.

Inbox from further North than Liecester = !tumbleweed!
inbox from further South than Liecester = possible but weeks of insecurity.

So, go do your thang Rob, and employ some of those tasty euro girls, employ Sonia-Red, and fuck me even I might purchase the end result.

[Hell Kitten]

Wow, he quotes Radiohead lyrics. That's deep.

[Lizard]

Well I,m a creep, and a weirdo......

[Cenobitez]

We find most our girls north of leicester and there aint been no complaints about Lacey, Nikki, and the many others

Clearly your looking in the wrong places

[jimslip]

Do I detect a hint of bitter- twistedness in his prose?

[Trumpton]

If, or indeed when, Rob goes off to Eastern Europe I hope he takes Miyah with him.