Had to share this with you....
Guy goes home to his wife with a sheep under his arm.
Guy says "this is the pig I have to fuck when you're not in the mood".
Wife says "I think you'll find that it's a sheep".
Guy says "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep".
Have fun
Laughed my arse off
Re: Laughed my arse off
If only those animal rights people knew what they'd done, releasing a mutant halibut to tell bad jokes 
))
))Pervert
The Worlds Biggest Collector Of Ben Dover DVD`s
Koppite Till I Die
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The Worlds Biggest Collector Of Ben Dover DVD`s
Koppite Till I Die
Remember - You`ll Never Walk Alone
Re: Laughed my arse off
it works a little better when you get the timing right. the first time I heard that one it went something like this.
this is the pig I have sex with when you're not in the mood
she says
I think you'll find that's a sheep you idiot
then he says
I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you
this is the pig I have sex with when you're not in the mood
she says
I think you'll find that's a sheep you idiot
then he says
I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you
Re: Laughed my arse off
Here's another one.
A man and his wife went on holiday to Israel .
While they were in Jerusalem, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband,
"You can have her shipped home for ?5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land , for ?150."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend ?5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be
wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only ?150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead.
I just can't take that chance."
Mart
A man and his wife went on holiday to Israel .
While they were in Jerusalem, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband,
"You can have her shipped home for ?5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land , for ?150."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend ?5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be
wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only ?150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead.
I just can't take that chance."
Mart
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mutanthalibut
- Posts: 512
- Joined: Fri Jul 14, 2017 2:40 am
Re: Laughed my arse off
I've been working on that break out for 6 years. Utilising my amphibious laptop in my subteranean cell.
Now we are free...and I will never, ever eat another funny looking fish with shiny bits on the end.
p.s Halibut are reasonably clever for fish, but spelling was never our stromg point.
Long live the Hippoglossids
Now we are free...and I will never, ever eat another funny looking fish with shiny bits on the end.
p.s Halibut are reasonably clever for fish, but spelling was never our stromg point.
Long live the Hippoglossids
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c.j.jaxxon
- Posts: 1465
- Joined: Fri Jul 14, 2017 2:40 am
Re: Laughed my arse off
Now that's funny right there, I don't care what nobody says! !laugh!
Re: Laughed my arse off
that calls for another one -
An Irish sailor is stranded on a deserted island for more than 10 years. One day he's looking out at the surf and sees someone swimming to shore.
Suddenly a figure clad in a wet suit emerges from the waves and starts walking up the beach. All at once he's looking at the hottest looking blonde he's ever seen as she drops her scuba gear in the sand and smiles seductively. She walks slowly up to him and says
'Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?'
'Ten years', he says in amazement.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on one sleeve and pulls out a fresh pack of cigars. He takes one, lights it and pulls a big long drag. 'Faith and b'gorrah', said the man, 'that is so good I'd almost
forgotten how great a smoke can be!'
'And how long has it been since you'lve had a drop of good Powers Irish Whiskey? asks the blonde.
Now trembling, the castaway replies, 'Ten years.'
Hearing that, the blonde reaches to her other sleeve, unzips the pocket, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He anxiously opens the flask and takes a long drink. 'Tis the nectar of the Gods' says the Irishman. 'Fantastic!'
At this point the gorgeous blonde slowly starts to unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looks at the trembling man and asks. 'And how long has it been since you've, well - played?'
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman falls to his knees and sobs. 'Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there, too!'
An Irish sailor is stranded on a deserted island for more than 10 years. One day he's looking out at the surf and sees someone swimming to shore.
Suddenly a figure clad in a wet suit emerges from the waves and starts walking up the beach. All at once he's looking at the hottest looking blonde he's ever seen as she drops her scuba gear in the sand and smiles seductively. She walks slowly up to him and says
'Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a good cigar?'
'Ten years', he says in amazement.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on one sleeve and pulls out a fresh pack of cigars. He takes one, lights it and pulls a big long drag. 'Faith and b'gorrah', said the man, 'that is so good I'd almost
forgotten how great a smoke can be!'
'And how long has it been since you'lve had a drop of good Powers Irish Whiskey? asks the blonde.
Now trembling, the castaway replies, 'Ten years.'
Hearing that, the blonde reaches to her other sleeve, unzips the pocket, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He anxiously opens the flask and takes a long drink. 'Tis the nectar of the Gods' says the Irishman. 'Fantastic!'
At this point the gorgeous blonde slowly starts to unzip the long front of her wet suit, right down the middle. She looks at the trembling man and asks. 'And how long has it been since you've, well - played?'
With tears in his eyes, the Irishman falls to his knees and sobs. 'Jesus, Mary and Joseph! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there, too!'
Re: Laughed my arse off
That is the classic golf joke.
And here's another one:
Every Saturday morning for three years, a foursome teed off at their local country club. One of the players was remarkable. For a couple of weeks, he'd play left-handed, and then the next week, he'd play with the right, with no loss in skill. However, he had one annoying fault: every couple of months or so, he would be twenty minutes late to tee off.
One morning, after this player had landed his second shot just two feet from the pin, one of the others said, "I can't stand it any longer! What's with switching sides, right to left? Why do you do that?"
"Well, I'll tell ya," the man said. "Every Saturday morning when I wake up, I turn over and look at my wife. If she's sleeping on her right side, I tee off right-handed. If she's on her left side, I play left-handed."
"Ah! But what if she's on her back?"
"That's when I'm twenty minutes late!"
Mart
And here's another one:
Every Saturday morning for three years, a foursome teed off at their local country club. One of the players was remarkable. For a couple of weeks, he'd play left-handed, and then the next week, he'd play with the right, with no loss in skill. However, he had one annoying fault: every couple of months or so, he would be twenty minutes late to tee off.
One morning, after this player had landed his second shot just two feet from the pin, one of the others said, "I can't stand it any longer! What's with switching sides, right to left? Why do you do that?"
"Well, I'll tell ya," the man said. "Every Saturday morning when I wake up, I turn over and look at my wife. If she's sleeping on her right side, I tee off right-handed. If she's on her left side, I play left-handed."
"Ah! But what if she's on her back?"
"That's when I'm twenty minutes late!"
Mart
Re: Laughed my arse off
Ok ok. That was a good one. But you should have this guys wife..
"I was outside a casino in Las Vegas when a man said to me, 'Can you lend me $200? My wife needs emergency medical treatment!' I said, 'I'd like to help you, but how do I know you won't just gamble it away?' He said, 'Don't worry, I got gambling money!'"
"I was outside a casino in Las Vegas when a man said to me, 'Can you lend me $200? My wife needs emergency medical treatment!' I said, 'I'd like to help you, but how do I know you won't just gamble it away?' He said, 'Don't worry, I got gambling money!'"