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my mate so unlucky last week he went on blind date and ended up with cilla black.

How about this one;

God said to Eve as he saw her in the river taking a bath...
..."Get out of that water woman! I'll never get that smell out of the fish".

Q: What do you have if you hold a cricket ball in your left hand and a cricket ball in your right hand?
A: A very concerned cricket.

Groan Groan Groan

CC

alright,what was eves first words when she saw adam-thats a hard one!

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories.

Ashley said, "My father's a farmer and we have a lot of egg laying hens. One time we were taking our eggs to market in a basket on the front seat of the car when we hit a big bump in the road and all the eggs went Flying and broke and made a mess."

"What's the moral of the story?" asked the teacher.
"Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
"Very good," said the teacher.

Next little Sarah raised her hand and said, "Our family are farmers too. But we raise chickens for the meat market. We had a dozen eggs one time, but when they hatched we only got ten live chicks, and the moral to this story is, "don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

"That was a fine story Sarah. Michael, do you have a story to share?"
"Yes, my daddy told me this story about my Aunt Karen. Aunt Karen was a flight engineer in the Gulf War and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a bottle of whiskey, a machine gun and a machete. She drank the whiskey on the way down so it wouldn't break and then she
landed right in the middle of 100 enemy troops. She killed seventy of them with the machine gun until she ran out of bullets. Then she killed twenty more with the machete until the blade broke. And then she killed the last ten with her bare hands."
"Good heavens," said the horrified teacher, "what kind of moral did your daddy tell you from that horrible story?"

"Stay the fuck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking."

ilike it,thanks eric

ive just been watching a film with googie withers,whos googie withers?evreyones in the cold weather

God...."Noah, I'd like you to build me another Arc"
Noah..."No problem. Do you want it the same as the last one"?
God...."No I'd like it 20 stories tall please"
Noah..."Errrr o.k your the boss, would you like it for animals"?
God...."No I'd like it to hold fish"
Noah..."Fish"?
God...."Yes but not just any fish I'd like carp. Wall to wall with carp"
Noah..."Lets just get this straight. You want me to build an Arc"?
God...."Yes"
Noah..."You want it 20 stories tall"?
God...."Yes"
Noah..."And you want it full of carp"?
God...."Yes"
Noah..."Why"?
God...."I've always wanted a MULTI STOREY CARP ARC"

thats totally original,10 out of 10.