Linsey Dawn McKenzie Hardcore - The Final Word
Posted: Wed May 09, 2001 8:37 pm
I've been getting a bit peeved with the oft-repeated questions "Has LDM done hardcore?", "Will she ever do it?" etc so I thought I'd settle this matter once and for all. To this end I nicked Mystic Meg's crystal ball and can now report on what the future holds for Linsey...
2002 An advert placed by the company Aitkin & Clinton Associates in that highly reputable publication "The Sport" announcing a video of "Linsey Dawn McKenzie in Real Sex Scenes!". The video turns out to be 59 minutes of Linsey taking her clothes off followed by 30 seconds of a man wearing pants standing in the same room.
2004 Another advert appears for a video featuring 'Linsey in Hard Core Scenes'. When ordered, it turns out to be Linsey eating the inner part of an apple.
2006 Linsey's first "genuine hard core sex scene" is shown to pay-per-view customers of Sky Digital, although unfortunately Sky neglect to point out until the last minute that this is to be a radio broadcast so subscribers are left somewhat disappointed.
2010 An advert appears in The Daily Telegraph (by now one of the leading purveyors of pornography) by Aitkin & Clinton Associates announcing "Look, We'll Level With You, We're A Bunch Of Crooks But, Hey, If You Don't Give Us Another Chance How Will We Ever Manage To Reform Ourselves? This One Really Is A Hardcore Video Of Linsey Dawn McKenzie. I Swear On My Mother's Life!" When ordered, it turns out to be an episode of Little House on the Prairie - with all the racy bits taken out.
2015 The Prime Minister, the Rt Hon Ben Dover, announces in the House that ?10million of lottery money is to be paid to Linsey on condition that she does a real hard core film. Linsey accepts the money. Later she announces that she has lost the money down her cleavage and therefore will not be doing the film after all.
2020 Another video is advertised: "Linsey having intercourse with a Chippendale" and turns out to feature her talking to an antique Victorian chair.
2030 Linsey is made a Dame by King William III for "Services to Fleecing the British Public". When she kneels before the him, William can't resist doing the "And while you're down there..." joke, to great public acclaim (sense of humour being one of the few things not to have progressed in the 21st century).
2038 Linsey collects her bus pass.
2050 Contributors to BGAFD finally stop speculating about whether Linsey will ever do a hard core video.
2065 Now aged 87, Linsey finally makes her first full on hard core movie, featuring deep throat cock-sucking, double anal, gang bangs, quadruple penetration, bondage, watersports, domination, ass-to-mouth, multiple facial cumshots, dwarves and goats.
It sells three copies.
Linsey is later quoted as saying "Oh dear. Do you think I left it a bit late?"
2002 An advert placed by the company Aitkin & Clinton Associates in that highly reputable publication "The Sport" announcing a video of "Linsey Dawn McKenzie in Real Sex Scenes!". The video turns out to be 59 minutes of Linsey taking her clothes off followed by 30 seconds of a man wearing pants standing in the same room.
2004 Another advert appears for a video featuring 'Linsey in Hard Core Scenes'. When ordered, it turns out to be Linsey eating the inner part of an apple.
2006 Linsey's first "genuine hard core sex scene" is shown to pay-per-view customers of Sky Digital, although unfortunately Sky neglect to point out until the last minute that this is to be a radio broadcast so subscribers are left somewhat disappointed.
2010 An advert appears in The Daily Telegraph (by now one of the leading purveyors of pornography) by Aitkin & Clinton Associates announcing "Look, We'll Level With You, We're A Bunch Of Crooks But, Hey, If You Don't Give Us Another Chance How Will We Ever Manage To Reform Ourselves? This One Really Is A Hardcore Video Of Linsey Dawn McKenzie. I Swear On My Mother's Life!" When ordered, it turns out to be an episode of Little House on the Prairie - with all the racy bits taken out.
2015 The Prime Minister, the Rt Hon Ben Dover, announces in the House that ?10million of lottery money is to be paid to Linsey on condition that she does a real hard core film. Linsey accepts the money. Later she announces that she has lost the money down her cleavage and therefore will not be doing the film after all.
2020 Another video is advertised: "Linsey having intercourse with a Chippendale" and turns out to feature her talking to an antique Victorian chair.
2030 Linsey is made a Dame by King William III for "Services to Fleecing the British Public". When she kneels before the him, William can't resist doing the "And while you're down there..." joke, to great public acclaim (sense of humour being one of the few things not to have progressed in the 21st century).
2038 Linsey collects her bus pass.
2050 Contributors to BGAFD finally stop speculating about whether Linsey will ever do a hard core video.
2065 Now aged 87, Linsey finally makes her first full on hard core movie, featuring deep throat cock-sucking, double anal, gang bangs, quadruple penetration, bondage, watersports, domination, ass-to-mouth, multiple facial cumshots, dwarves and goats.
It sells three copies.
Linsey is later quoted as saying "Oh dear. Do you think I left it a bit late?"