egafd.com

Hey

Have recently decided to give up on work,regular sleep patterns and eating food that is not from a tin.

Got bored of sitting around my factory earning decent money and using my Brain and skills whilst actually contributing to the Country that will one day fund my inevitable decline in to old age and sickness.

Instead I have decided to get up at Noon. Potter around my council house before pretending to look for work. Then claiming my massive benefit allowance. Then going on to a forum and claiming that all Tories are scum before my afternoon nap.

Later I plan on taking all my un-earned money down the local Working Mens Club (whilst savouring the irony) and blow the fucking lot on crazed old horny Granny types.

Can't help but feel there is more to life than this. Please help!!

Any tips on this is greatly appreciated

BB

I tried that and got bored.

BeestonBoy wrote:


> Any tips on this is greatly appreciated
>

You could breed some kids. There's a good payout for every one you produce. They even give you a big house to keep 'em in.

Don't get too comfortable , you'll soon be getting put on "mandatory work training" working for your dole money via a charity of the welfares choice, who also recieve ?1,500 for doing the decent thing and "employing" you for the duration of 4 weeks, they get the 1500 quid you get your dole and a wealth of experience on how to open black bags full of other folks cast off clothes, the gov say it's to help reduce the benefits bill and get people out of bed, how it's going to reduce the benefit bill i don't know when they are giving the companies/charities participating the 1500 plus travel expenses and food vouchers for the "trainee"...but then what do i know? more money for foreign aid i suppose too, you may be too tired to get down the club and chat up the grannies....though you may see them during the day while you work at the charity shop, could be quite embarrassing if youve had a one night stand with one of em.

I think you may have to change your chosen venue from working mans club to unworking persons club, I have also heard that if you change your status to non gender specific and register as a asylum seeker you would be much higher up the benefit pecking order, roughly this translates to a 42" screen television as opposed to the normal 32" it also helps when filling any benefit claim forms in to declare yourself as having Somalian grandparents, and an unspecified back complaint. You can get the form from your overpaid GP.

And dont forget to top up your dole money by nicking scrap metal even if its not actually scrap...

Good thinking graham, I had forgotten about that.

Lizard wrote:

and an unspecified back complaint.


Yep, really work that one. They'll give you a free car and a pass that allows you to park any-frigging-where you like. Across peoples gateways, on top of 'Keep Clear' signs, and all you have to do is shout "I'm disabled" as you sprint to the bookies, and no-one can do anything about it!