egafd.com

I used to own this

on VHS (a 3rd generation copy) and lost it in a house move. When I got a new copy under it's original German title of "Angespritzt" I found the soundtrack no longer had the loopy English introductions to each scene on the soundtrack. I thought they were hilarious. A man with an almost mock Dutch accent and a lass with a deep, sexy sounding voice took turns to describe what was happening in the next clip. From the ones I memorised (!) an example would be:
"Jean-Paul must be very careful, because it's not so easy to put such a long, hard stab into a lady's backdoor. But I'm sure he's gonna manage. Come on then, let us cream this fucking Kelsey (?). Then put your lipstick on his dipstick, you know it makes sense."
I remember them being pretty racist, too, with clips of the gorgeous big-titted Afro-American Jeannie Pepper being referred to as a "piece of fucking trade". Obviously I'm not into that kind if name calling... It's all utter drivel but very funny. Imagine about 40 of those in one film.

I've also heard the same chap narrating some very old Harry S Morgan Videorama titles.

Has anyone got any if these 90s Magma compilations on DVD? Do they have the silly narration? Anyone know who it is speaking? I'd love to be able to hear more.

Someone should write a book of, "Hilarious Pigeon English in Euro-Porn." I remember watching all these films and being in fits of laughter. Why do all these Krauts think they can speak the Queen's English, why didn't they get a Brit to check the language first?

My favorite of all time was from a Color Climax film, I think the line was, "Sven couldn't wait to lick her cheesy crack!" !grin!

It's great isn't it? I'm glad it's so bad, porn is getting too slick nowadays with even amateurs using HDV and John Rebel finally using a tripod
I remember another scene on the above film starting with:
"Ladies and gentlemen. There is one thing we must talk about. The fist fuck."
I can't remember the rest but that's a gravestone carving right there.

I actually used to love watching Magma films precisley for that reason but it was hard having a wank while laughing.

Thats where the volume control came in handy

Bill, Johnnys probably only using a tripod now cos the new HDV cameras are so damn heavy after a while

One of my favourite "Cheesy scenes" was on a 8mm Color Climax film (I think) and I think it was called something like, "Piss Party". Everyone is dressed up to the nines and sitting down to dinner. Naturally everyone is wearing the most horrible fashions. flares, check jackets, goaty beards etc. Anyway a waitress comes in, climbs on the table, hitches up her uniform and starts to urinate on the guests and in the teapot without a hint of shame.

Now call me old fashioned, but when I sit down for a slap up dinner for two in a restuarant, I don't expect to be urinated on by the waitress, unless of course I live in Copenhagen where is was obviously the norm in the 1970's!!

What made me laugh is that the dinner guests are not only in the slightest bit peturbed, but proceed to join the waitress on the table and start pissing all over the place as well. You officiandos of old porn can maybe confirm whether they started to serve up the piss into their teacups during the film. Or have I imagined this?

I expect someone out there know the film I'm talking about.

Back in the day when hard core was still illegal and you had to visit sleazy backstreet dens in Soho for to but your fix of porn it was always the Magma films Id go for. Yes they were always the same, but you knew that they did exactly what they said on the tin (or box cover to be precise!). Approx 1 hour and 20 mins of usually fit young German girls getting rogered by the same middle aged Euro porn studs with an obligitry lesbian scene thrown in. Magma were to porn what Stock Aitken Waterman were to pop. Nice clean production, predictable formular but hit after hit! Not all the films had voice overs but id say 90% did and this for me added to the tackiness of the films - which after all is one of the reasons for buying porn! My fav film was called Olympus du lust which features Tabatha Cash. At one point the voice over man says "Robert cannot stand it any longer, he just has to make it with Roxy, come on o Robert give that fucking hooker what her heart desires, let us cream that fucking bitch! Brilliant!

That's a great example, Spunkie! I love the way he'd say "Let us" instead of "Let's". I distinctly remember the quote "Let us cream this fucking Kelsey." I don't know if Kelsey was the girl's name or a long lost Euro nickname for a slut or a nympho. I'm glad it's not just me that liked these voice overs.

OEJ, you're right, they are off putting but it's worse when they're not there (as in the English language titled-versions on vhs) as it draws more attention to the god awful music and dubbing which is even less erotic.

So can anyone tell me if DVD releases of old magma fins have these voice overs? Or will I have to buy one and find out? (!)

I grew up on this! One - BJ scene - quote always stuck with me and mates: -

"Play that skinflute you dirty fucking bitch"