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Fucking hurt.
Now I have faced many things in my time.
I've been in the ring with some fierce fighters.
I've clung to speeding cars at 50mph+.
I've broken bones and torn muscles.
I've been in a long term relationship.
I've lost at tiddlywinks.

But...my friends, and this is a big but, I have never got to grips with dentists and their fucking 18inch needles of "Whoops sorry I'll need to do that again" Pain.

I had root canal treatment today.
Not one but two, yes you read that right.
Two treatments and it fucking hurt.
Treatment? Fucking punishment more like.

I wore my headphones and listened to the Top Gum...sorry Top Gun soundtrack and prayed that Kenny Logan would be able to help me take my mighty wings across the sky, or so the lyric spake.

Didn't fucking work I can tell you.
I almost fainted. - Shameful.
I had to stick my head between my legs. - Gutted.
I had to have the chair tilted right back to help the blood get back to my pathetic brain whilst the nurse watched and said "Oh dear!". - Hand me the pen for my suicide note.

I wished I was anywhere but there and it didn't work.
Uri Fucking Gellar with his "Powa of de moind" can kiss my fucking arse as well.

So please, have pity and show some consideration.
Those within distance, feel free to offer to take me for a drink to get my mind off of the pain. PAIN with many capitals.
Feel free to listen to my woeful story 10 times in a row and just nod in appreciation.
Any of the ladies, feel free to offer a bossom.
Magoo, feel free to fuck off with your leary comments about needles.
I've heard them all before; however you can all send me get well gifts.

"Now relax Mr MacGroyn, you may feel a bit of a prick."
"So what's new?"

Yes, I did get the point, and no I am not changing my name to Holden MacGums.

The needles were fucking huge.
I had to close my eyes. Some of the chemical went over my tongue and I thought I was gonna spew...ladies, you have my sympathy.
I wretched as a bit of chipped tooth hit my palette and lodged there.
All the while, a big fat black & white cat sat on the outside of the windowsill licking itself clean, oblivious to my pain, much like you lot.
So that's my pityful story, not that any of you lot give a toss but there you go. I just thought I could share it as we've all got such a long history behind us now.
Right, I'm off to countdown the time before I can have something to eat.

I had root canal a few years back , it didn't worry me much , but your super hard status is safe with me as I will not play tiddlywinks in public after what happened in 1978 .The Dentist I go it is allright , and the 20 yo fit black girl dental nurse in that thin white nylon uniform who works there always puts me in mind of fillings.

Sounds like the same dental nurse.

Actually, I should add, that my dentist has a stammer.
Not as bad as it used to be, but the bastard jabs in tune to his stammer.

Dentist: "Bla-bla-bla-bla-bla-bla-blah"
Me: "Fucking easy for you to say you slag"

HOLDEN, you soft shite! you should be saying to the Dentist 'give it all ya got big boy' stick me! whilst trying to look at his assistants breasts, and asking her out, whilst your mouth is full of novacane...............in the north we dont even have dentist chairs, you have to stand in a concrete yard, whilst the Dentist twats you on the head, and say,s OK! it,s out, I,m finished, then it,s straight down the pub for a barnsley chop and chips, and a few drinks, before closing time to show your mates the bruises.




Jess!

.....unfeeling bastard......

Word of advice Holden , when a man has a 10,000 rpm air drill in your wide open mouth , be polite to him . He might get struck off , but how will you tell the British Dental association what happened while he has your jawbone in his deep freeze ?
I saw the dental nurse first

I saw her mate first.
Scatty bird but not bad at all it has to be said.
Blonde, hence the scatty; yes that was deliberate.

I had to visit the dentist again for the fourth time in recent weeks to have the final fitting of a new crown on my upper molar. It didn't bloody fit properly so she had to drill some enamel off my lower jaws teeth!!! ow!

but she did squash her tits onto my head alot, which was nice

Just to let all of you unfeeling selfish bastards know the latest.
The anaesthetic has worn off and it fucking hurts like I've been kicked in the jaw.

know how you feel... i paid a visit to my dentist this afternoon and had a bit of plaque removed.

10 seconds of barely detectale scraping and i didn't faint once!