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Due to the fall in recruitment numbers, the MOD boffins put their heads together and working with a crack team of leading experts; Gok Wan, Stella McCartney, the guy that got kicked off The X Factor, JLS, the thick (?) one out of N-Dubz, they determined the reason was the very unsexy uniform

Ladies and Gentleman, may I present the new camouflage uniform as modelled by Natalia......

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