Best joke ever,Part2? ACTUAL Jokes here Pls x

[beck images]

I don't believe in any of these stupid conspiracy theories.

Or is that just what I want you to think?

[beck images]

Disemboweling somebody takes a lot of guts.

[beck images]

Remember that playing your music really loud can annoy your neighbour.

And if that doesn't work, set fire to their car.

[beck images]

I just bought some diamond earrings for my girlfriend's birthday. Just seeing the smile on her face made it worth it.

That and the blow job she felt obliged to give me afterwards.

[Floydoid]

Q. Who are the most unwelcome musicians in an orchestra?

A. Kiddie fiddlers.

[Sarah Kelly]

a 4 pinter .... !wink! x

[Mysteryman]

A guest was checking out of an hotel.

Was everything to your satisfaction sir? asked the receptionist.

Not really, came the reply. Your brochure said every room comes with a goblin teas maid, but mine just had a machine which spluttered a lot and boiled water.

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Barack Obama is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full
of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness. He greets one.

The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,/
Great chieftain o' the puddin race,/
Aboon them a ye tak' yer place,/
Painch, tripe or thairm,/
Weel are ye worthy o' a Grace, as langs my airm."

Obama is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient> The next patient responded:

"Some hae meat an canna eat,/
And some wad eat that want it,/
But we hae meat an we can eat,/
So let the Good Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the President moves
on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timorous beasty,/
Och whit a panic's in thy breasty,/
Thou needna start awa sae hastie,/
Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, Obama turns to the accompanying doctor
and asks, 'Is this a psychiatric ward?'

'No,' replies the doctor, 'this is the serious Burns unit'.

[Sarah Kelly]

oh my god ,dont do that to me- i had to re read that so many times till i got it! Thats the good/bad thing about (some/alot) of mysons jokes.... THEY SO SIMPLE ( lol..Joke. !wink!..) .. Only pulling on your maccaroons babe !wink! x

[Sarah Kelly]

oh my freshly shaven legs!(feels great lads- you really should try it!).... It doesnt matter how many times i re attempt this- i really dont get it? is it actually funny(as i REALLY cant tell) or , are you teasing me floydoid? Myson,babe,all is forgiven...... x

[Sarah Kelly]

actually,put your post WITH jj response-very powerfull.very funny...!wink! x