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top 3

1. Darwen in Lancashire - 20, 000 residents, all related.

2. Bowness on Windermere - anytime between March and October.

3. Grantham in Lincs - Fuckin' Wicker Man country!

Following on from John Motson's Americanisms and the comments posted there.

A place to avoid is any pub featuring a match which has Motsons commentary and where the mute button does not work!!!!!

North Lincolnshire, some lovely villages unfortunately intersped with the 3 hellholes below:
S-CUNT-horpe is a dire place: nothing there but trouble, rough as arseholes
GRIMsby is as it's name suggests, Grim with a capital G and that goes for it's neighbouring "seaside resort" Cleethorpes.
Barton-on-Humber, a crappy "small town" that until they built the Humber Bridge on it's doorstep, housed a small but completely related population, 25 years on they all still curse the bridge and the influx of "foreigners" who brought with them things like electricity. I'm sure Royston Vasey is based partly on this place!

Not to mention places in Yorkshire like Sheffield, Doncaster and poor old Bradford, arguably THE most unwelcoming place in the North.

I LIKE both Barmouth and Tenby- but I raise you Newport in South Wales, Coalville and Oswestry.

This should keep people going: Crap Towns

Though it does seem like just about everywhere is in there.

Forgot about Motherwell. Mates and I were diverted thru Motherwell after a road crash, had spent a pleasant day or three playing golf in Fife and were landed in a vision of hell. We drove past a school at closing time and locked the doors, even the 12 year olds looked fierce. I had never seen such poverty, couldn't believe the lack of tidy houses, graffiti on every inch of spare concrete and litter everywhere. Looked like someone had cast the town aside.

Arginald Valleywater wrote:

Avoid at all costs Hull, Grimsby (well named), Barrow in Furness (they still have a shag your sister night at the local youth club!), Millom in south Cumbria, Preston and Bradford. All horrible places with little or no culture, nightlife or attractive women. I know people in Barrow who drive 50 miles to work to get away from the place...............


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My father was born in Barrow... he and all 8 of his brothers and sisters moved out of the area as soon as they were old enough. It's only redeeming feature is it's proximity to the Lakes.

Had a night out there last year , 200 odd mile round trip . The club we went to was lexington avenue , what a dump , i went to the gents about 10:30 the floor was already starting to swim so i went in a cubicle someone had already thrown up down the wall and as i turned around to leave the toilets a youth stood pissing into a long stainless steel urinal and it was overflowing onto the floor !sick! . The club wasn't that busy even though there was a legend appearing , but it was a shit-hole of the highest order , can't think of one on par with it off the top of my head . JJ .

I had an interview once in Bradford- I actually 'threw' it after finding out that Bradford had no trains after 5pm to Birmingham/West Midlands- and thus by connection Cardiff/South Wales, Bristol/West Country- and that included Fridays!

And this was only 10 years ago.