Ahhh my dear boy, as eloquent as ever. How entertaining your impression of a lesser Harry Enfield character effort was. Never seen an impression done in writing before! Well done. Well done indeed!
As for your thinking my reviews are from pirate dvds how very wrong you are! The thought of buying a ropey 8th generation copy from a soap dodging pikey at a car boot sale and watching it in a damp bedsit pausing only to grope oneself in a semen stained dayglo orange leotard and legwarmers, as it appears you obviously do, fills me with revulsion.
You might well notice that my reviews are usually well in advance of the films being released whereas the majority of pirates tapes appear several days/weeks after the film is out. Luckily I see these films where they should be seen: on the big screen with excellent sound systems without ghastly pop corn crunchers, fizzy drink slurpers & 'this is a good bit' quoters.
Anyway if the above description of your viewing experience fits then I hope you at least clear away all the empty pizza boxes, pot noodle cartons & empty cans of red stripe in front of your portable tv screen.
As for celeb bashing - not a clue what you're on about!
All the best with your aerobic classes, pilates and whatever else you like to do whilst mince about in a leotard.
A Merry Christmas to all my readers!