Sources say Johnson is complaining about money. He is still supporting four out of his six children, has been through an expensive divorce and had his income drop by more than half as a result of fulfilling his lifetime ambition.
Divorced father of between six and nine kids (no-one knows), with drink problem, living with new girlfriend, (police being called to flat to break up fights with new girlfriend), living off the state complains about being "hard up".
NOVEMBER - Boris is caught shagging a pole dancing, tech entrepreneur / ballet dancer in the ladies toilet at Perugia airport.
DECEMBER - Another of the Spaffer's mistresses gives birth to his seventh / eighth / ninth child (no one is sure of the number) on Christmas Day.
JANUARY - The transition period ends with no-deal and "The Spaffer" goes on a six week holiday to the Maldives paid for by Evgeny Lebedev (because Johnson is so poor he has to get other people to pay for his holidays).
FEBRUARY - The UK economy collapses.
MARCH - The Spaffer accepts a job offer from Vladimir Putin and relocates to Moscow.