Grand Theft Royal Mail

[David Johnson]

Has anyone had a go at this fantastic game, Grand Theft Royal Mail on their Xbox?

Brilliant concept. Basically the overall aim is for a group of gangsters to rob the public without them realising it and make a real mint without ending up in Sing Sing.

There are a number of levels:

1. Convince the public that the Royal Mail is chomping at the bit to get "access to private capital" even though the Royal Mail workforce has no interest in this at all.

2. Sweeten the privatisation by giving the people who are about to lose their jobs the chance to get a few cut-price shares.

3. Privatise the profits but nationalise the losses i.e. move the responsibility for Royal Mail pensions to the public purse. Err, that's you and me.

4. After about 5 to 10 years, get your fellow crims in hedge funds to purchase the privatised Royal Mail.

5. Saddle the Royal Mail with huge amounts of debt with money that the gangsters have had to borrow to make the purchase. That way your corporation tax is hugely reduced because you are not making any money because of the debt interest.

6. Tell the government that because of rising costs (see Thames Water etc etc for classy example) you cannot possibly keep the universal postal service going without a government subsidy. Hey don't the government see that you are losing money hand over fist?

7. Hugely increase the cost of postage to fund a service see Virgin Trains etc etc. for other examples.

The CGI is fantastic but some of the characters seem to have a worrying similarity to Cameron and Cable. Why is that?

[spider]

Privatising Royal Mail.

What could possibly go wrong?

You only have to look at previous privatisations.

The Railways, Energy, Water suppliers.

The prices they charge for their services have all fallen since privatisation; they are all investing millions in their infrastructures and not looking for money from Central Government at all to fund their future operations and their customer service is second to none.

And of course, they are all 100% British owned companies now and not owned by foreigners at all.

Got to go now, this nice man in a white coat says my padded cell is ready for me now.

[David Johnson]

I've just reached Level 8 in the game.

Level 8 is where the stock market realises that it is a license to print money and the share price shoots up. You sell at a huge profit to an Asian conglomerate and retire on the proceeds to a life of sand, sea, babes and Cuban cigars in the Caribbean.

Meanwhile, the people who have not got access to the Internet and/or the ability to use it, try to find the ?5 for a postage stamp.

[Jonone]

Have you identified any 'cheats' ... or is that a stupid question ?

[David Johnson]

Yeah, I've found that if in the scene where Rupert Murdoch is meeting Millie Dowler's parents, you creep up and stab the parents in the back, having Murdoch and his newspapers onside makes it much easier to be successful in the subsequent levels.

[Essex Lad]

Do these buffoons know nothing? Marx (Karl not Groucho) said that history repeats itself first as tragedy, second as farce. Do they not see what happened to the trains and the gas and the electricity and the railways and the phones? Of course they do, they or their mates now own them.

An utter disgrace and who will foot the bill. Taxpayers as always. Remember MPs don't pay for their stamps so what matters it to them if a stamp costs ?3 or more?