BGAFD's ecclesiastical reporter

[David Johnson]

After Mr Slip started the interesting, theological discussion on the BGAFD about same sex marriages in church, I thought I would become the self-styled ecclesiastical reporter for the BGAFD and nip along to the local C of E church to discuss the doctrine on this one with my local man of the cloth.

While I was there, I overheard this conversation between the father of the prospective bride and our local vicar.

Jim S "I'm very disappointed at all this same sex marriages in church nonsense, vicar. I was looking forward to our Kylie Marie marrying her Brent to a tasteful selection of medieval and Elizabethan pieces.

Vicar "No problem Jim. It won't make any difference to your Kylie Marie's wedding ceremony whatsoever".

Jim S "You mean we won't be limited to a playlist of Lady Gaga, Elton John, the Village People, Barry Manilow and George Michael?"

Vicar "Quite correct, James".

Jim S "So if I have got it right the church traditions that go back to pre-human times will not be changed at all for my Kylie Marie's marriage? No pink cushions in the church? No male voice choir in tight leather with matching peaked caps?"

Vicar "Correct The traditions will be maintained in exactly the same way for your Kylie Marie's ceremony, though as far as we know dinosaurs didn't get married. The only difference is that on some days there may be same sex marriages with exactly the same ceremonies"

Jim S "I'm so glad to hear that. But, hey, wait a minute vicar, isn't this the thin end of the wedge? Before we know where we are those gay folks are going to be serving our food, teaching our kids, pulling our pints and looking after our old folk's health."

Vicar "Jesus, give me strength. TO BE CONTINUED

[jimslip]

Actually, I thought you might visit a Mosque and discuss the above topics with the Iman, might be a little more helpful. I presume you would report back, "The Iman felt that homosexuality and lesbianism were both an abomination to Islam and death is too good for them. I heartily agreed with him that he should be abble to preserve intact all the traditions that Islam has held for centuries. After all, we must be tolerant of our rich and diverse minorities and ensure THAT ALL their traditions are preserved at all costs!

I asked him about the topic of honour killings and suggested that maybe it would be more acceptable if we changed the name from "Honour killing" to "Totally understandable death by very cross members of a family, simply excercising their right, in fact their HUMAN RIGHT to preserve and hold dear their long traditions and customs". The Iman said he thought it was a bit long winded, but generally agreed with the re-branding proposal for disgracelful racist slogan, "Honour killing". I then discussed our idea of the re-branding of "Pakistani Sex Gangs" , which we felt was divisive and racist in its suggestive tone! The Iman nodded his approval at, "Introduction for young people to Pakistani life and culture" or, "How to run and manage a Kebab shop- Live in studies for young people!" I held up my fist in salute to the Iman and said, "We're all in this together, friend.......RIGHT ON!"

For my next report, I intend to visit my local church where I have heard a vicar is "troubled" at the idea of same sex marriages in his church. How dare he be troubled, he should be made to boot out ALL his straight couples, who are probably Daily Mail readers anyway and make his church EXCULIVE for lesbians and gays!What a no good stinking piece of Tory homophobic filth! Fucking, cunting, Daily Mail reader, if I had my way, I'd drag him into the street, make him watch as I burn his church to the ground and then have him kicked to death and urinated on, fucking bastard!!!

RIGHT ON!

Your caring, sharing news reporter, David "I'm so right-on it hurts" Johnson!

[David Johnson]

I'm biased but my post is much funnier, James. A little, gentle mocking. No swearing. A few references to gay stereotyping. Surely you can take that?

Your's seems full of hate, bile, an underlying, anti-Muslim tone and hateful towards homosexuals, masquerading as some totally deluded "right-on description of what you laughably think I believe.

I suspect under the showman act of "Winner "Best Loved Character"TVX SHAFTAS 2010 " there's a rather nasty, unpleasant individual.

The sort of individual that posts reams about the restrictions on civil liberties then is right in there supporting those restrictions on civil liberties like network blocks when he thinks they will make him a few quid and choke off the competition. Eh?

Ya losing the plot, Mr. Slip

[jimslip]

The "Prince of Double Standards", hipocracy and possibly the most "Right-on" dude on BGAFD if not in Britain. The man who forgives all those who reside in his select list of "PC Victim Groups" of any crime! Your editor and chief reporter for "Right-On" Daily News" circulation, 2. May I present David "I'm so right-on IT HURTS!" Johnson!!wink!

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I notice you remark on how "Funny" you are. You are as "Funny" as a Broadmoor patient, trying to look calm, but bursting a blood vessel whilst trying to get out of his straight jacket and avenge all those he thinks have wronged him! I know in a future, New Labour Police State, i certainly wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of your, "Funny-ness", I think you are more, "Scary" than "funny!" to be honest. You simply spend far too much time telling people off! Now imagine you had a nice uniform and a gun, instead of that stupid Inca hat and specs...........people would listen then wouldn't they? Then you'd teach them! Then they wouldn't make fun of you! Then they'd read your teachings and believe!..... !laugh!!laugh!!laugh!!laugh!

[David Johnson]

So you think of me as a "Gestapo-like" bloke with a "nice uniform and a gun".

Jim, are you fantasising about me? Just a eensy teensy little bit.

Please note, I hate to be a killjoy for you, but none of the guys below are me. But hey if you want to print the picture off for your own purposes, be my guest! !wink!

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