Blackpool earthquake

[Snappy]

Is it anything like the Manchester earthquake appeal from a few years back?

Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly muttering : "Sorted", 'Top' and 'Arr Kid'
The Earthquake decimated the area, causing approximately ?30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of mementos from the Balearics and Spanish Costas were damaged. Three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were disturbed

Many were woken well before their giro arrived.

Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting has happened in Manchester.
One resident, Donna-Marie Dutton, a 17 year old mother-of-three said "It was such a shock, little Chantal-Leanne came running into my bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it. I was still shaking when I was watching Trisha this morning."

Apparently though, looting did carry on as normal.

The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help the stricken masses. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal belongings including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos.

* HOW YOU CAN HELP

This appeal is to raise clothing and food parcels for those unfortunate enough to be caught up in it.

Clothing is most sought after.

Items required include: -
* Baseball caps
* Fila Jackets
* Heavy Twill Trousers (Male)
* Shell Suits (Female)
* Boots.

Food parcels may be harder to put together but necessary all the same.

Required foodstuffs include: -
* Hollands Pies
* Black Peas
* Tripe and Onions
* "Pigs Blood Pud"
* Boddys Bitter

?2 buys chips, scraps and blue pop for a family of four

?10 can take a family to Salford for the day, where children can play on an unspoiled canal bank among the national collection of stinging nettles

22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim

Please do not send tents for shelter, as the sight of "posh" housing is unfair on the population of neighbouring areas of Newton Heath and Moss side.

THANK YOU IN ADVANCE

[David Johnson]

How on earth did you guess!